


How To Do Arm Candy

by 27dragons



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Multi, charity events, formal dress, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2014-11-14
Packaged: 2018-02-25 09:05:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2616176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/27dragons/pseuds/27dragons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony shakes his head, amused. "Cap," he advises, "you're doing arm candy wrong."</p>
            </blockquote>





	How To Do Arm Candy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sara_holmes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sara_holmes/gifts).



> First, there was [this](http://dailyevanstan.tumblr.com/post/132082328926/) picture of Sebastian Stan.
> 
> And then there was [this](http://everyworldneedslove.tumblr.com/post/102609595722/) headcanon conversation about it.
> 
> And now: the fic.

Charity galas.

Most of the Avengers hate them, but Tony actually enjoys them. He always has. He likes dressing up. He likes seeing _Pepper_ dressed up. He likes the open bars, he likes the weird hors d'oeuvres, he likes dancing, even with the sharp-tongued rich old biddies. (Maybe _especially_ with sharp-tongued rich old biddies. They're funny and honest, unlike so many of the other attendees.) Sure, the glad-handing is a bit tedious, but he's been doing it since he was eight and it's easy now, and he _really_ likes knowing that the money he's charming out of the attendees is going to do something truly worthwhile.

And he wouldn't admit it under torture, but he kind of enjoys watching the other Avengers muddling through.

Steve's probably the best at it, after Tony himself. All that time on the USO circuit, Tony guesses. He plays the disarmingly bashful "aw, shucks" card for the ladies, and the stern-and-sacrificing military officer for the men, and none of them have yet figured out that the real Steve Rogers is a dorky goober with perfect deadpan wit who cheats at cards, is hopelessly sentimental, and would rather take on an entire legion of Skrulls than one more reporter who wants to know who designed his tux.

And speak of the devil, here he comes now, with a scowling Bucky a half-step behind him. "Look, it's not as crowded as you thought it would be," Steve tells Bucky encouragingly.

Bucky pauses, all but trying to melt back into the bank of plants that line the path into the venue, and scowls harder as he peers past Steve. "Don't care," he mutters darkly. "Just wanted to stay home and watch movies with Clint."

"You can't spend your whole life in a blanket nest, Buck," Steve cajoles. "Besides, you look great tonight! Stop slouching and let me take your picture!"

"Of course you think I look good, you picked out all the clothes." Bucky stands up straight, as commanded, but he doesn't take his hands out of his pockets or even pretend to smile. "You are the worst," he says as Steve tucks the camera back in his pocket. "You are actually the _worst_. I'm telling everyone."

Steve doesn't seem bothered by either this pronunciation or the way the camera is destroying the smooth line of his jacket. "Come on. Look, there's Tony, let's go say hi to Tony."

Bucky just sniffs, but deigns to follow Steve over to the corner Tony's staked out. Steve and Tony shake hands in greeting as if they hadn't seen each other just a few hours ago, and then do it again for the cameras, and then Steve greets Pepper with that same camera-ready smile. Pepper, because she is amazing and Tony doesn't deserve her, has a public smile that actually looks genuine as she kisses Steve's cheek and puts a friendly hand on Bucky's arm.

"Hey, am I late?"

Clint looks _amazing_ in a tuxedo. Or he would if he didn't have two black eyes, tape across his broken nose, and eyes that seem not quite focused from the pain medication.

As one, Steve and Bucky turn to look at him, and as one, they glare furiously. Tony's a little impressed that Clint doesn't fall back a step in the face of that much disapproval. "What the hell are you doing here?" Steve hisses. "You're _hurt_ , you're supposed to be _recuperating_ \--"

"Pfff," Clint waves off Steve's concern with an actual flap of the hand. "I don't even have a concussion this time. Besides, I couldn't loaf at home and let our boy Barnes face the crowds alone, could I?"

Bucky, if anything, looks even angrier than Steve. "I am going to kill you in your sleep," he rumbles. "I'm not even kidding. How am I supposed to use you as an excuse to sneak home early if you are _here_?"

Clint grins, then winces in pain and dials it down to a smirk. "You're pretty when you're mad," he tells Bucky.

Steve grabs Clint's arm and half-drags him down the path, but they can all still hear him anyway. "God dammit, I wasn't kidding about you staying home. You're on _medication_ \--"

"Tony," Pepper says in her tight, I'm-yelling-at-you-but-we're-in-public tone, "this is supposed to be a PR event. Can't you get them under control?"

Tony actually laughs. "Pepper. Are we talking about the same man? Have you _met_ Steve? How am I supposed to control him?"

Bucky has followed Steve and Clint down the path and now all three of them are arguing with each other. It's the best train wreck Tony's seen for _ages_. He grins and leans against the wall to watch, delighted that, for a change, he's not the one causing the disturbance.

Eventually, they sort themselves out and achieve some kind of agreement. They come back up the path, Bucky on Steve's right and Clint on his left. Clint looks smug but still beat half to death and drugged half out of his mind, and Bucky looks both resigned and more furiously murderous than he ever did as the Winter Soldier.

Tony shakes his head, amused. "Cap," he advises, "you're doing arm candy wrong."

"You're one to talk," Steve shoots back. "Your date's abandoned you for the bar. At least I've still _got_ my two."

Tony turns his head to look, and sure enough, Pepper's at the bar. There are three empty shot glasses already in front of her, with two more lined up, and the bartender is shaking what Tony assumes is going to be a dirty martini with extra olives. "Huh," he says, then turns back to raise his eyebrow at Steve. "You're not fooling anyone. You've only still got your two because you have a vice grip on their arms. Using your super-strength that way is cheating."

"I'll take every advantage I can get," Steve admits easily, and then, dirty bastard that he is, he changes the subject. "Did you talk Natasha into making an appearance?"

"I had to bribe her with an upgrade to her armor," Tony says, "but yes. She wouldn't tell me who she was bringing, though."

"Thor," Bucky supplies, at the same time that Clint suggests, "Maria." The two of them lean back to look at each other around Steve.

"Hill doesn't do these things," Bucky says.

"She does," Clint returns, "if she's bribed. Tell me a date with Nat wouldn't be an effective bribe."

"Yeah," Bucky admits grudgingly. "But tell me Thor wouldn't be the prettiest date ever."

"He kinda would," Clint says. "Especially if he let her do up his hair."

"Thor in a suit?" Bucky points out. "I'd give my left arm to see that."

"Not funny, Buck," Steve says sternly.

"Fuck you, I'm hilarious."

"It was actually kinda funny," Clint puts in.

"Why do I put up with either of you?" Steve complains.

"You don't put up with us, we put up with you," Bucky says.

"Oh, now that's just--" Steve starts, then subsides with a grin when both of them lean in to kiss his cheeks. He doesn't even try to duck away when the camera flashes start going off, either.

Pepper's arm slithers through Tony's. She's got a martini glass in her other hand, and she looks much more relaxed. He smiles and tips his head up to kiss her. (He hates being teased about being short, but he loves that Pepper is taller than him in heels. _Loves_ it.) "Feeling better?"

"Mm," Pepper agrees. She leans against his side a little. "We should go mingle soon, but-- Oh my God."

"What?" Tony follows her gaze down the path, and nearly falls over.

Natasha is… Walking? Sauntering? _Slinking_? Whatever she's doing, she's doing the hell out of it, coming down the path toward them. As always, she looks beautiful and deadly and confident, as if being killed by her is a privilege that has to be earned.

On her left arm is Sam, and on her right, Bruce.

Tony had been pretty sure that Sam would look amazing in a suit. Sam's one of those guys who looks amazing all the time anyway. Bruce, on the other hand? _Holy hell_. Tony barely recognizes his scruffy, unassuming, rumpled science-bro; Bruce's shoulders are square, his chest broad, and his back straight. His suit is perfectly pressed, his hair carefully styled, his face shaved, every line of him as sharp as a scalpel.

The trio stops in front of them, and for a moment, they all stare at each other. Natasha looks amused and smug, the cat in the cream. Tony can't really blame her for that.

"I feel oddly betrayed," he tells Bruce. Bruce just smiles, but it's something close to his usual shy grin, so Tony forgives him.

"Yeah," Steve says, but he's looking at Sam. "You told me you weren't coming."

"Man, would _you_ tell this woman no?" Sam asks, eyebrows arching. "Especially when she's dressed like _this_?"

"You have a point," Steve admits.

Natasha looks even _more_ smug. "Come on, boys," she purrs, tugging Sam and Bruce with her. "You can buy me a drink."

"It's an open bar," Tony points out.

Natasha glances back over her shoulder and winks at him.

"See, Cap," Tony says, watching them go. " _That_ is how you do arm candy."

"Yeah," Steve says. "Yeah, Nat wins."

"Nat always wins," Tony says.

He almost expects Pepper to elbow him for that, but instead she sighs and leans a little further into him. "Yeah, she does." He's not sure how he should feel about that.

Behind them, _sotto voce_ , Clint mutters to Bucky, "I still think we win."

"Hell yes we do," Bucky returns grumpily.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Clusterfuck](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5547917) by [apipedream](https://archiveofourown.org/users/apipedream/pseuds/apipedream)




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